When a mad man thinks, a mad man, dies.

There's this big space in my mind that accepts inconsiderate opinions on how I should manage my damn life. Since open mind theory has never departed my mind. I know, it will be wise to know what opinions I'll use in living, a good mortal being. I was a kind that tends to go with the flow, but with the irrational thing that comes with it, rebellion.

I was never affected before. I was so random. This non sequitir wrongs have occupied me, they made me complete, for a while. The more I have been subjected to domination reasons, the more I want to bring more failures. I know, I'll just be ruining my life, I don't owe them understanding, but just to satisfy them.

Everybody has reasons.

But the disappointing fact is that when the reason behind is not enough to suffice the hollow questions and aggravations. I know language. It's meant to be used. For a clear flow of communication and for expressing your emotions through words. Its inevitable not to use it. But the more I rationalize myself, I can't help but to commit wrong messages under the process. I want to be heard. There's this small voice inside of me that wants to be heard. I want to be understand. That's my understatement. I fooled many people by saying what they wanted to hear, make them feel pleased, though I know inside of me, it's wrong. I'm not making myself a favor. I'm crushing my own satiable pleasure. I know. But why am I doing such?

My words and beliefs mis leaded me. I'm vowed to suffer.

People are never satisfied, therefore, I am.

I've recklessly taken people for granted, though, sometimes its just my attitude towards them. I've felt everything that was given to me, you know, I can feel, but most of the time I'm just stubborn. It's this care, love, concerns and all. Well, I did the same, but not to the idea of giving back what they have given me. I do it for myself. I just recently realized. Yes, all this. Faintly remorse.

I want a better life, free of all this. But still the hunger suffices, but how long will this be? I don't know. I don't corrupt what life may bring. I'm plain boring though it may appear as appealing as what others may say, anyway, I don't give a damn. Just how can someone like me feel this? Suddenly, all the zest have been squeeze in me. Damn sure its egotistical. I was never like what I have been before. I change, for such.

People sucks when their life's such a bore, and the staggering fact that they are a quick slacker in changing for what they wanted to be. Another statement under boredom.

One thing about me, oblivious.

Before I reached the sullen street of our house, I have to walk within the dim pavements (I'm not sure if its really one), plain wandering. I've done a lot of walking and thinking. I think a lot. But it rarely repeats ideas of what I had in mind to do after I've had thought of it. Sometimes I'd forget things that I must have been doing right after I've been distracted or just silly thought crossed and conquered the task/idea I might have done or whatever. I don't know the right term to call that hideous monster distracting my mind. I just know that I'm one hell of a forgetful person.

I do usually analyze things, I love thinking. But my memory is just about uncapable of remembering certain things. Small things. I always forget things like:

.taking my drugs (I'm not totally sick, but I need it)
.eat
.sleep
.my umbrella (dumb dumb)
.school papers (or things e.g ballpen, papers, pencil etc)

yeah, small things. Maybe not just small things...
Maybe some of my life's lesson are gone withering inside my head, just when I realized what I have done, I knew the consequences cause I've done it before. And because of this fluctuating brain I didn't remember that it really did made sense. Experiences before lingers most when its torturing or somehow did make me happy. But hey, I guess people just chose to forget things don't you think? But what if not? Like forgetting the most valuable thing and losing is not the same thing right? argh. Here I go again.

What the heck, I'm just good at convincing myself that I just don't. (don't forget things)
But you know, Truth hurts.

This is gonna be yet another ranting blog.
Plain absurdities why I suck at things.